A new tactic

First, the update. From what I can tell, the new pill makes the flow lighter and shorter; I'm pretty much done (I think), and it's only been 4 days. Things have been...chunkier, though. Not real sure what that's all about. The pain was also pretty intense the first two days - it's worse in the hours before and after I start, then begins to taper off. But it's not like I've had to be on pain pills for weeks at a time, which is good.

Bloating was also reasonable; I didn't actually swell up until the day I started, and haven't been excessively puffy. My rings got tight, my belly poofed up, and my socks left marks on me, but I don't think I gained more than 5 lbs.

My face, on the other hand...I didn't even have zits like this as a teenager. It's ridiculous.

Exercise has been sporadic at best this month. Stress has raged out of control. Not sure of the influence of these factors, though I obviously suspect that they play a fairly strong role. But then why wasn't my period worse? Why did I not start early? Why did I not experience crushing depression, rage, helplessness?

Got me.

I did realize, over the course of several days, that maybe I'm going about this all wrong. I've been looking for the magic pill that will make me "normal." Maybe there isn't one. Maybe the pill is the problem.

I do have reason to think this. Other medications have done me more harm than good. Chantix, for example, did make me not want to smoke - but it also made me depressed, sometimes suicidal. I experienced extreme nausea and sleep disturbances. And, in the end, it didn't help me quit smoking; once I went off the pill, I went back to my evil ways.

I was not originally prescribed BC to help with the endo, but I've been kept on it because it's supposed to help. It's been about a decade since I had an unassisted period, but as I recall, my periods (and symptoms) were worse on the pill than off. Oh, I bloated, cramped, gushed, got moody and pimply off the pill. But I remember being shocked that the pill made these things worse instead of better because I'd always heard the opposite.

Maybe things have gotten so bad not because the disease is worsening, but because I'm making it worse.

So next year, I'm going off the pill.