I'm beginning to doubt the existence of "normal"

Or, at least the possibility that I'll get back to it. Strange, strange period this time -- some good, some bad.

The good: I had hardly any pain to speak of until the day I started my period.

The bad: 15 lbs of water weight.

Wednesday morning I had minor pain -- enough for the heating pad, but not for pain medication. I thought the absence of pain was odd, as I was expecting to start Thursday (okay, actually Friday; once again my math was off), but was pleased that I'd not spent the previous week incapacitated by pain.

Around 11 a.m., I went to the restroom and discovered that it is still possible for periods to sneak up on me.

"Maybe I won't hurt so bad this time," thought I. "Maybe my body's getting back to normal."

By 1 p.m., I'd taken all the pain medication I could have in one sitting, and was still in so much pain I could barely breathe. I had to leave work early.

After two days of gushing, it looks like things are tapering off. Now if I could just get rid of this water weight. I was even keeping an eye on my sodium intake! My only saving grace is that most of my clothes are too big anyway. However, I'm pushing the limits of even my biggest, stretchiest clothes right now.

I'm also in the market for a new heating pad. Mine's giving me that stupid F2 error message again. Why must heating pads be computerized? All they need is an on/off switch and a few heat settings...no need to bring computers into it. I did some research online, and apparently all the heating pads of this model have this problem. Which is just fantastic, as I own two of them. I did some research online, and have come to the conclusion that everyone has a different opinion of what makes a "good" heating pad. Also, price means nothing. Look, I just one one that:

1) comes on when I want it to come on,
2) goes off when I want it to go off (I don't mind the auto shut-off, but want to be able to override it), and
3) gets hot enough to alleviate my pain.

It'd be nice if it were also reasonably priced ($200 for a heating pad is ridiculous, imo), had a washable cover, and didn't leave burns on my back, but I can deal without those things if I have to. With all of my Googling, though, I didn't come up with any that stood out from the rest. So I guess it's back to the crap shoot. I do think I'll avoid Sunbeam in the future, though; have had very poor luck with those.

Hormonal backlash

Day 17. According to the tests (yes, multiple -- I've added urine-based ovulation tests to the spit test, because what self-respecting OCDer doesn't want a second opinion?), I'm still not ovulating. But you'd never know it by looking at me.

Every morning brings another zit (or three), though I rarely break out this early in the cycle. I'm carrying around at least 5 lbs of water weight; my belly is swollen, my breasts are incredibly sore, and I've not seen my ankle bones in nearly a week.

A couple of days ago, I developed stabbing pains in my lower left abdomen; I was convinced it was ovulation pain, but the tests say otherwise. Over the following 24 hours, the pain spread to the right side of my abdomen, and now it pretty much encompasses the lower half of my torso.

I'm moody. Tired all the time, but can't sleep. And eating chocolate in horrifying quantities.

I guess I'm making up for the relatively easy periods I've had the past few months. (Not that they were easy...just that I've had much, much worse.) I've got another 12 days of this mess, plus the 5 or so of my period. Great.

On the plus side, I am pleasantly surprised to find that my periods are pretty regular off the pill. My cycles have run precisely 29 days this entire year. Had I known it would be like this, I'd have gone off the pill years ago.

Nobody told me there would be math

Turns out there is a lot of math off the pill. And a lot of things to learn. For instance, did you know that Week 1 is actually period week? I did not. And it's thrown off all of my other calculations by...well, a week.

In fact, I've learned that I was completely wrong about what goes on in one's abdomen sans pill. That place is pretty much a 24-7 babymaking factory. Have a period, immediately start working on kicking out another egg. But none of this stuff happens fast. Oh, no. It takes six days for the egg to find its way from the ovary to the uterus. Six days! Seriously...how long can the fallopian tube be?

Anyway...I'm in a fun spot. Too late to check if I've ovulated. (Again, I should say; I've been doing a spit test, but the results are confusing at best.) Too soon to test for pregnancy. (Mayo Clinic says you shouldn't test the first day of your missed period, but a week after. Which is assuming I know when the first day of my period should have been.) I've not stopped cramping, and at this point most likely won't until I bleed. Whenever that might be.

I've consumed the biggest part of a Whitman's Sampler, in two sittings, within a single 24-hour time span. Which is about the surest sign that a period is coming. Just wish I knew when.

First pill-free update

I've been off the pill since January 16. Which makes period week January 17-23; last week was Week 1 of my first pill-free cycle.

Of course, I don't play by the rules. The period was heinous, even by my standards. I've decided alcohol does indeed make the cramps worse, so that's it for me and adult beverages in mass quantities. Just not worth it. The cramps were nigh intolerable -- I even missed a day of work, which I've not done in a while.

Then, just as things were winding down, my uncle passed away. Road-trip funeral = megastress, which is probably why I spotted and cramped for an additional week.

Now, Week 2 -- a time when I normally have no symptoms whatsoever. Okay, the *only* time. I'm not spotting, but I am cramping. Enough to make me limp. And last night, my body ejected...something disgusting. I Googled every variation of "mucus plug" I could think of until I found some reassurance that I wasn't dying. (If it had happened a week later, I'd be weeing on a stick or three, but it's far too early for me to be ovulating.)

And what bout of pre-PMS would be complete without headaches, zits, and bloating?

I don't honestly know how much of these symptoms are due to pill withdrawal and how much can be chalked up to stress, grieving, and a week on the road (I am not a good traveler). So I'm taking a watch-and-wait approach. Here's hoping I'm not waiting too much longer.

Remember me?

So I'm not the most regular blogger. Mostly, I was waiting until I had something new to report.

The past two months, my periods haven't been all that bad. (Except for the fact that they coincided with Thanksgiving and Christmas, that is.) Pain, yeah. Bloating, pimples, moodiness. The usual.

This month, though, is going to be interesting. I'm not supposed to start until next weekend (so, realistically, January 19). And I've already put on 8 lbs of water weight -- I'm in the big-girl bra right now. Taking pain pills. Dealing with wonky skin. Can't say much to the moodiness, because I quit smoking this week (three days on the lozenges, then cold turkey) -- I'm moody anyway. But basically I've got mega PMS a full week ahead of schedule. And these things usually get progressively worse until I start. I'll report back if anything weird happens, but I anticipate your garden variety (for me) crappy period. Nothing unusual.

Until next month, that is. January 16 is my last day on the pill. I'll have to keep closer tabs on things then, since I won't have a pill pack to tell me when I'm (possibly) going to start. I'm a bit more in tune with my body than I was 10 years ago, though, so it shouldn't be too much of a hassle. (The tracking, not the periods themselves. This is my uterus we're talking about, after all.)

More to come...

A new tactic

First, the update. From what I can tell, the new pill makes the flow lighter and shorter; I'm pretty much done (I think), and it's only been 4 days. Things have been...chunkier, though. Not real sure what that's all about. The pain was also pretty intense the first two days - it's worse in the hours before and after I start, then begins to taper off. But it's not like I've had to be on pain pills for weeks at a time, which is good.

Bloating was also reasonable; I didn't actually swell up until the day I started, and haven't been excessively puffy. My rings got tight, my belly poofed up, and my socks left marks on me, but I don't think I gained more than 5 lbs.

My face, on the other hand...I didn't even have zits like this as a teenager. It's ridiculous.

Exercise has been sporadic at best this month. Stress has raged out of control. Not sure of the influence of these factors, though I obviously suspect that they play a fairly strong role. But then why wasn't my period worse? Why did I not start early? Why did I not experience crushing depression, rage, helplessness?

Got me.

I did realize, over the course of several days, that maybe I'm going about this all wrong. I've been looking for the magic pill that will make me "normal." Maybe there isn't one. Maybe the pill is the problem.

I do have reason to think this. Other medications have done me more harm than good. Chantix, for example, did make me not want to smoke - but it also made me depressed, sometimes suicidal. I experienced extreme nausea and sleep disturbances. And, in the end, it didn't help me quit smoking; once I went off the pill, I went back to my evil ways.

I was not originally prescribed BC to help with the endo, but I've been kept on it because it's supposed to help. It's been about a decade since I had an unassisted period, but as I recall, my periods (and symptoms) were worse on the pill than off. Oh, I bloated, cramped, gushed, got moody and pimply off the pill. But I remember being shocked that the pill made these things worse instead of better because I'd always heard the opposite.

Maybe things have gotten so bad not because the disease is worsening, but because I'm making it worse.

So next year, I'm going off the pill.

Should have seen this coming

Major stress as of late. Working late, bringing work home, spending nearly every waking moment working, stressing, cussing under my breath. And I've been cramping the whole time -- the period stopped, but the pain didn't.

Shoulda known I'd start early.

A week and two days, to be exact. Well, if I were to start on time...which I never do. Pretty much the only thing that ever makes me start early is stress. Usually, I'm late. Which makes sense, considering my "normal" cycle averaged 34 days. (Quotes intended...my periods were never normal, or regular. But they were also nowhere near the mythical 28-day cycle.) I'm just not a short-cycle girl.

So when I do start early, it's bad.

I've lost 5 lbs in 2 weeks. Sleeping badly; waking up exhausted. I know what this is: my body's way of telling me to slow the hell down. Wish I could.

I've really tried to cope with the stress. To not fall back on the vices I've used to "cope" in the past...smoking too much, drinking too much, eating garbage. But I can't zen myself out of it lately. Working out does help, somewhat; at least when I'm done, I'm too tired to be really angry about anything anymore.

Or so I thought. My uterus thinks otherwise. Apparently denial only takes you so far.