A new tactic

First, the update. From what I can tell, the new pill makes the flow lighter and shorter; I'm pretty much done (I think), and it's only been 4 days. Things have been...chunkier, though. Not real sure what that's all about. The pain was also pretty intense the first two days - it's worse in the hours before and after I start, then begins to taper off. But it's not like I've had to be on pain pills for weeks at a time, which is good.

Bloating was also reasonable; I didn't actually swell up until the day I started, and haven't been excessively puffy. My rings got tight, my belly poofed up, and my socks left marks on me, but I don't think I gained more than 5 lbs.

My face, on the other hand...I didn't even have zits like this as a teenager. It's ridiculous.

Exercise has been sporadic at best this month. Stress has raged out of control. Not sure of the influence of these factors, though I obviously suspect that they play a fairly strong role. But then why wasn't my period worse? Why did I not start early? Why did I not experience crushing depression, rage, helplessness?

Got me.

I did realize, over the course of several days, that maybe I'm going about this all wrong. I've been looking for the magic pill that will make me "normal." Maybe there isn't one. Maybe the pill is the problem.

I do have reason to think this. Other medications have done me more harm than good. Chantix, for example, did make me not want to smoke - but it also made me depressed, sometimes suicidal. I experienced extreme nausea and sleep disturbances. And, in the end, it didn't help me quit smoking; once I went off the pill, I went back to my evil ways.

I was not originally prescribed BC to help with the endo, but I've been kept on it because it's supposed to help. It's been about a decade since I had an unassisted period, but as I recall, my periods (and symptoms) were worse on the pill than off. Oh, I bloated, cramped, gushed, got moody and pimply off the pill. But I remember being shocked that the pill made these things worse instead of better because I'd always heard the opposite.

Maybe things have gotten so bad not because the disease is worsening, but because I'm making it worse.

So next year, I'm going off the pill.

Should have seen this coming

Major stress as of late. Working late, bringing work home, spending nearly every waking moment working, stressing, cussing under my breath. And I've been cramping the whole time -- the period stopped, but the pain didn't.

Shoulda known I'd start early.

A week and two days, to be exact. Well, if I were to start on time...which I never do. Pretty much the only thing that ever makes me start early is stress. Usually, I'm late. Which makes sense, considering my "normal" cycle averaged 34 days. (Quotes intended...my periods were never normal, or regular. But they were also nowhere near the mythical 28-day cycle.) I'm just not a short-cycle girl.

So when I do start early, it's bad.

I've lost 5 lbs in 2 weeks. Sleeping badly; waking up exhausted. I know what this is: my body's way of telling me to slow the hell down. Wish I could.

I've really tried to cope with the stress. To not fall back on the vices I've used to "cope" in the past...smoking too much, drinking too much, eating garbage. But I can't zen myself out of it lately. Working out does help, somewhat; at least when I'm done, I'm too tired to be really angry about anything anymore.

Or so I thought. My uterus thinks otherwise. Apparently denial only takes you so far.

Not-so-painful pants

Don't get me wrong -- there's been pain. But compared to what I've been dealing with, not that much. Three days into month two (for once, I started kinda-sorta on time), so I'm guessing I've had all the major pain I'm going to with this period.

Pain: Nearly constant Ponstel/Lyrica on days one and two. (And heating pad, of course.) Today, a Ponstel, no heating pad. (Also no Lyrica, though I wanted to take one for the mellowing effects. Bad, bad day at work.)

Flow: Oddly light. (And chunky. Ew.)

Other symptoms: Bloating, fair to medium. (Fair being the water retention portion, medium the preggo-belly swelling.) Bad zits last week, nothing this week. (Probly tempting fate here.) Moodiness...well, work angst notwithstanding, I've not been that bad.

Overall, this has not been a bad month. I wonder if that means next month will be okay as well, or if all hell will break loose.

Microgestin/Ponstel report

First month on the Microgestin was...interesting. More like the periods I'm used to than the ones I've been having: 7 days long, mostly clots, with intense pain before and during and some residual pain after (I'm still aching, and I stopped Monday). Plus, the Microgestin doesn't appear to have reduced the bloating one bit -- but it didn't increase it, either. My face is also breaking out more, which is not a deal-breaker but is annoying. I'll give it another couple of months; if they're more of the same, I'm switching back.

Sadly, the Ponstel was not the wonder drug I was hoping it'd be. Had to hit the Lyrica the first few days (on top of the Ponstel, not in place of) because the pain was excruciating. (It felt like an alien baby was trying to eat its way out.) Not sure how, or if, that's related to the clotting. I can say that it's got nothing to do with inactivity, because I only missed one workout.

I'm beginning to abandon hope of alleviating the symptoms. Maybe all I can do is deal with them. Or get pregnant. I hear that's a list of problems all its own, but still -- no periods for 9 months? Where do I sign up?

Miss me?

It's been a very, very long time since I've posted. Sorry. Didn't have much new to report. Pain's about the same. Lumpies are about the same. My handle on my stress level varies -- some days I succeed at being all zen, and some days (like today) I smile while screaming inside, wishing I could just throw a Mr. Mackey fit: "You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!" It's been that kind of week. And this is on the Lyrica!

So, where to go from here? Well, I've been exploring the exercise route. My parents bought me Wii Fit for my birthday (which, incidentally, was the date of my last post), and I've really been sticking with it. (No one is more shocked than me.) I love that I can customize my workouts based on what I feel up to that day (today, I'm cramping pretty badly, so I stuck to yoga and the easier strength exercises). So far, I can run a mile (some days), do 100 jackknives (evil situps), and *finally* touch my toes (which I've not been able to do since I was a kid). The consistent exercise, whether vigorous or gentle, does seem to help the pain. I'm hoping once the weather cools off, I can talk my bf into walking with me on weekends. (I even bought a pair of teeny tiny walking shorts, to inspire him. :) If nothing else, maybe I'll finally get all buff before everything starts sagging.

Diet. Well, my attempts at controlling my sodium intake have done nada to reduce the bloating. (Also made it damned hard to eat anything besides cereal, yogurt, and steamed veggies; I've lost 5 lbs.) I talked to the doctor about it today; he's trying me on another pill, but says some women just bloat. I told him I understand that, but gaining 5.5 lbs in a single day is a bit uncomfortable. Going on Microgestin; neither of us can remember what pills we've tried in the past, so I'm hoping this isn't one that made me crazy.

Pain. My dad pestered me to ask the doctor for different pain medication. He (Dad) is concerned about the burn the heating pad has left on my back. Dr. gave me Ponstel, another NSAID. Says for some women, it works wonders. Hoping I am one of those women. Also told Dad I would look into getting a new heating pad. My other ones never left burns on me; maybe it's just this brand.

Other than that, not much new to report. Had my annual today; all is well. Somehow managed not to start my period in the middle of it, which is nice. (I do not recommend getting a pelvic exam while cramping, though...yeowch. Not even the Lyrica helped that.) Got my lump drained (not Evil Lump, just a garden-variety cyst) -- easiest lump I ever had. No pain, no bleeding; he couldn't even find the hole to stick the Band-Aid on. Wish they were all like that. I'm good to go for another year. Provided these pills don't make me crazy.

Here's hoping.

Stress?

A new line of thinking. I've been realizing the effects stress has had on my health, life, and outlook, and have recently made efforts to alleviate and eliminate it. Some of it is situational, and some of it psychological. The situational stuff I can't change; however, I can do something about the psychological stuff. A friend gave me a really helpful book: The Worry Cure. It's helped me see how my reactions were, in many cases, making mountains out of molehills. So before I ground my teeth into powder, alienated my family and friends, and stressed myself into an early grave, I decided to put some of the theories from the book into practice.

And guess what? This period was better. Lighter, shorter, and less painful. Granted, the lighter/shorter part could just be because last month's was so long. But I usually hurt regardless. And while I did hurt this month, it wasn't unbearable. A little stiffness, some bad moments on the first and second days. That's it.

I'm giving it a few months before I determine if this is really cause and effect. But for the most part, destressing is apparently full of win. No starvation required.

I tried the diet

For roughly 36 hours. And I felt like hell the entire time. I thought at first it was caffeine withdrawal...then I realized I was just starving. I normally eat around 1400 calories a day; with this endo diet, I was eating less than 1000. No wonder I felt like crap. The food to bring me down wasn't bread or cheese, either...it was tater tots. Made a Sonic run at 9 p.m. two days into the diet -- something I never do.

Then I realized I was doing it all wrong. Yes, I had a 12-day period this month. And a 10-day one a couple of months ago. But in between there, I had a 4-day one. The variable factor has not been my diet…it’s been stress. This diet doesn’t help that, either. (Particularly not the no-caffeine part.) What I really need to do is not revamp my diet (despite what my mother thinks, I eat pretty well already), but work on exercising more and stressing less.

I’m not abandoning the idea, though. I will try to eat more veg and fruit and less wheat and cheese. But I’m not going to starve myself, which is the direction I was heading before the tater tot run. (I didn’t eat dinner because nothing sounded good. Then tater tots sounded wonderful…more wonderful than they were, honestly.)

And if I have another 13-day period (yes, this month's period was nearly 2 weeks long), I'll go talk to the doctor again.

New book, new resolve

Bought a recipe book for endometriosis. (I got the e-book; it is so very cool to buy a book online and have it immediately!) I'm contemplating her other book; I guess I'm just not sure how far I buy into this stuff yet. For instance, there's a section on soy in the recipe book that confirms my experiences with it, and my thoughts (based on research into soy) about how a food full of estrogen would affect me. However, it devolves into a paranoid-sounding rant about the evil soy farmers brainwashing the masses...not sure I quite believe that. So I guess I'm taking much of the intro with a grain of salt.

At any rate, I'm going to start the diet next weekend. I figured the beginning of my cycle was a good time, and since I'm far from regular (I started three days earlier than the pills say I should, and nearly a week before I expected to), I have to rely on the pills for a cycle start date. I may not hit 100% right away -- I still don't have all my food stuffs assembled, and my parents are not exactly supportive of the idea. (My boyfriend's cool with it, even though it will affect him much more than it affects them. One of the many reasons why I love him.) But I figure even if I don't follow it to the letter at first, I can work up to that.

The other thing I need to deal with is my stress level. A friend said something that made me see I don't deal with stress -- I just live with it. And I've been under a fair amount recently. Which is probably why I started early this month. No diet in the world will help with the endo if I don't also get my stress under control. I need to stop seeing stress as an unavoidable aspect of life, and start doing something to deal with it. How, I do not know.

Adventures in vegetarianism

While it's not conclusive proof, I'm even more suspicious of soy now. Last month's period was ten days long; this month's was four. The difference: Last month, I ate soy tacos for a week. This month, no soy. Makes you wonder, huh?

In fact, this month was better all around, though by no means enjoyable. The worst part was this past week; I had a migraine that lasted several days, which may or may not have been period related. (They usually are, but this week was also quite stressful.) Still, a vast improvement over last month. I'm now forbidding myself to eat soy.

I'm also preparing to go mostly vegan (no wheat, no dairy) for a month. Most sources recommend you eliminate one, then the other, but I'm just gonna let 'er rip. If I don't see an improvement after cutting most of the joy from my diet, I'm going to eat whatever the heck I want. I was going to do this for the month of April, but then Mom announced her plan to make apple pie for Good Friday. And there's a cake recipe I want to try as well. So now I'm waiting until after Easter, and doing research in the meantime.

The results of this research:

- I tried Uncle Bob's Red Mill Homemade Wonderful GF Bread Mix. I was dubious about the "wonderful" part...no matter how you look at it, bread made with garbanzo bean flour can't really be expected to taste as nummy as bread made with wheat. What I didn't expect was the first mouthful to send me gagging to the trash can. I don't puke easy, but this stuff is just revolting. A friend has recommended rice bread, though, so I've not given up on wheat-free peanut butter sandwiches.

- I also tried rice milk (purchased to make the GF bread above, but I was also curious). It tastes and smells like...nothing. Compared with soy milk, however (the flavor of which horrified and disgusted me), "nothing" is perfectly acceptable. (I will miss my dairy, though.)

- I've decided (at least for the moment) to loosen my diet plans; since I can't eat that many of them anyway, there's no point in excluding eggs. (Besides, most of the vegan substitutes I've found are mostly soy.) In this spirit, I picked up a can of powdered egg whites, since I can never keep fresh eggs/egg product in the house. Which leads to lesson #2 (same night, unfortunately, as the GF bread debacle):

- Brownies made with egg white powder don't gel. I had to bake those things ten extra minutes before they were even semi-solid, and while they are edible, they're a bit on the crunchy side. One more lesson...

- Brownies don't cure migraines. (It was worth a shot.)

Time for some recipe research. I'll let you know if I find anything good.

Get off yer duff

Confirmed today the theory about movement helping cramps. Bad pain day (Lyrica + Darvocet), yet have been doing some light spring cleaning. (I'm not moving furniture, but I'm doing everything else.) And so long as I keep moving, the pain is tolerable. When I stop (like now), it feels like someone's got my hips in a vice.

So I'll get back to it. Just thought I'd share that.

(Longer post to come...I'm finally going to do the vegan thing. More on that later.)

That sound would be my bubble popping

Or maybe just going "pfft," like the dud bubbles in bubble wrap.

Finally, finally wrapping up this month's period. Ten days this hugger lasted. And while I'm not still gushing, I am still bleeding, and hurting -- more in the 1-4 range than the 7-9, as I was a few days ago, but still.

So much for the shorter period.

I'm not completely abandoning hope, though. It may be the soy. (The "estrogen + more estrogen = period from hell" theory.) I'll give it a month or so, and eat better during those months, before I give up on this pill.

Journal. Now.

Many thanks to the Goddess Kelly for suggesting I start a food journal. Because mine's not just a food journal...no, anal-retentive person that I am, it's a state-of-my-body journal. I'm tracking not just what I consume, but also my mood, severity and location of my pain, and any other symptoms I may have. And just in the past few days, I'm seeing the effect starting has on my mood. I went from slightly insecure and weepy to "get off my lawn!" cranky in 48 hours. Really quite amazing, when you think about it. (I think my bf was relieved that I did not join him for the out-of-town concert he attended this weekend.)

While the main point of the journal is to try to determine which foods may or may not worsen my symptoms, I expect to also see patterns in my symptoms. And maybe from there, I can figure out how to alleviate those symptoms. Or at least make sure my loved ones are far away from me when the crazy hits.

Oh, happy day!

Just filled my new BC prescription (and renewed my Lyrica prescription). There is a generic form of the Mircette! It's called Kariva. So instead of spending $35 a month, I spend $10. I am doing one hell of a happy dance right now. (Well, not literally. In too much pain to sit, let alone dance. But inside, I'm gettin' jiggy wit it.)

Maybe it is dirt

This isn't even fully brewed (roughly 8 minutes into the 10-minute steep time). Looks more like coffee than tea. And when you open the packet, this brown powder gets all over everything. (It also leaves a murky residue in the mug after drinking.)

Oh, and a word to the wise: If you drink this tea right after eating something sweet, it's extremely bitter. I recommend drinking it before eating, so the food erases the taste. Might even make sweet foods taste sweeter; I've not tried that because I'm not big on sweets. But it stands to reason. (By that same token, I'd be hesitant to add sweetener to it. Chug it like a big girl.)

Thus ends today's PSA on PMS Tea.

Yoga for cramping people

Two posts in one day...I'm just as shocked as you are. Guess this means I can slack off for a bit now.

I've been test-driving some yoga videos, thanks to my handy-dandy Roku box. (Seriously...I love this thing. I don't watch TV, but I love me some Netflix.) Mostly I've been doing this for my mother, who has high blood pressure (part genetics, part stress) and other assorted heart problems...the woman needs to learn how to relax. A few years ago, I bought her a yoga starter kit -- mat, blocks, strap, and a how-to video. They're all still in the box. I think she's intimidated by yoga. Until recently, I didn't understand why.

See, I was spoiled. My first experience with yoga was this nifty little box set I bought from Borders -- Simply Yoga. The instructor, Yolanda, has the most soothing voice (and a gorgeous Australian accent). Every movement is slow, gentle, and deliberate. None of the stretches are overly challenging unless I'm experiencing excruciating cramps. It's just a peaceful, calming experience.

In my experiments, however, I've encountered some truly scary yoga. Fast-paced routines meant for strong, flexible people. People who apparently don't feel like they have daggers in the backs of their thighs. Yoga videos with words like "crunch" and "burn" in the title. I might try those some day, but not today. Or this week. Or probably next week.

In the meantime, I'm sticking with my nice Australian lady. And this mellow couple I've found -- Charles and Lisa Matkin, who have a couple of videos for people with injuries or chronic conditions like diabetes or high blood pressure. While I am otherwise healthy as a horse, I could not complete all the poses in these videos...not while cramping, anyway. But I came close. And I don't think they'll scare Mom off. So my next step is trying to arrange some mother-daughter yoga time. And doing some yoga of my own in the meantime.

PMS Tea

I'm not kidding -- it really exists. And I'm at that point where I say "What the hell?" and try just about anything that might work.

And this might work. The main ingredient is dandelion root, which I've read is helpful for endo. (Improves liver function, which flushes out all that estrogen and thus reduces bloating, pain, temporary insanity, and so forth. Or so they say.)Another tea that I'm going to try, as soon as I track it down, is Women's Liberty; I've also heard dong quai and wild yam are helpful, though I took wild yam for about a year with no visible improvement.

Still, I'll try just about anything.

I'm supposed to start Sunday. (Realistically, I'm thinking Tuesday or Wednesday.) Right now, I'm only dribbling a bit, but the pain is intense. And bloated...good lord. Yesterday morning, my rings were loose enough to spin completely around my fingers. By 10 a.m., they were so tight that they were making my fingers go numb. After I took them off, I had grooves in my fingers for an hour. I'm afraid to put them back on.

So, I'm drinking this tea. Three cups a day, as directed (my cups are a bit larger than 8 oz, which is why I'm drinking 3 and not 4). It's...not tasty. In fact, I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out what it does taste like. The only thing I'm coming up with is dirt. I don't remember ever eating dirt, but I probably did. (I was that kind of child.) The label says it's bitter and sweet. Really, it's neither. Just tastes...well, like dirt. And you're supposed to drink it 3-4 times a day for the entire week before your period.

I paid $5 for the privilege of drinking muddy water thrice daily for a week. Part of me feels like a complete idiot. The other part of me hurts, and would eat actual dirt if studies showed it helped.

I just don't know

Started spotting today. A little over a week out from the scheduled date. The spotting wasn't completely unexpected...my complexion's gone to hell, my back's been killing me, I'm waterlogged despite eating a low-sodium diet, and I've been extremely moody and insecure today. (By which I mean wondering, with no provocation whatsoever, if my boyfriend is cheating on me, and planning what I'd say to him if he were. Getting mad about things people did to me years ago. That kind of thing. So...I've gone temporarily insane, basically.)

The symptoms are familiar. But why are they here so soon? Okay, so I'm stressed. I'm always stressed. Stress didn't do this to me when I was younger. And lord knows that after the past couple of months, there shouldn't be any excess left in there.

I wish I had a clue what triggers this. Then maybe I could do something about it.

Month two update and renewed motivation

First of all, I'm a bad blogger. I've put off the month two update long enough that I don't really remember the details. And it was just last week. In sum, though:

- The period was longer -- roughly 5 days, with a day of (barely) spotting at the beginning. Not bad, but not the 4-day miracle of last month.
- The pain was the same as ever...yucky.
- The flow was "How am I not anemic?" heavy. I was so drained by Saturday that I asked my boyfriend to bring me a Mountain Dew. I detest soda. But I needed a sugar kick to keep me from passing out. (It was as nasty as ever, by the way. Next month, I'm trying juice.) And the clots came back...not as bad as before the Mircette, by any stretch of the imagination, but they still came to the party.

However, several events occurred today to reinspire my resolutions to eat better and exercise.

- I heard one of my favorite "manic mode" songs ("How Far We've Come, by Matchbox Twenty), which made me remember that I can influence my energy level based on the music I listen to. (Audio caffeine, so to speak.)
- I watched Supersize Me, and am now quite frankly horrified...but not surprised.
- I did some yoga, and struggled with it. The easy yoga, too.

So, motivation has returned. Now I just need to get to work.

Well, tomorrow. It's nearly time for bed now.

Oh, yeah, I need to exercise

Went bowling tonight with my boyfriend and his family. It was a lot of fun, but halfway through the first game, I started hurting -- bad enough to throw me off for the rest of the night. Not in my wrist or my arm...in my hip. No amount of stretching helped it. I had trouble getting up the stairs when I got home. And now I'm hobbling like an old lady. I know it's nearing that time of the month, but this is ridiculous.

The good thing is, my boyfriend bowled horribly. He wants a rematch. So maybe we'll do this more often. And of course I'll do other exercises, as well. I am not about to take this old lady hip thing lying down!

There's always a price, isn't there?

Last night I dreamed I was having a baby. A very long, drawn-out, agonizing dream. I should have known what was coming when I woke up and there was no baby, but I'm not always with it in the morning.

Yep. The pain's back. Not bad enough to require medication just yet, but I did have to cart the heating pad around with me today. I'm a week and a half into month two of the Mircette.

I'm gonna tell myself I'm still adapting to the pill for now. If the pain doesn't subside within the next month or so, however, I'm going to try a month without wheat.

There. I said it. And I will now retreat to my corner to tremble, whine, and hope that that dark day doesn't come.